Bachata in couple: how to overcome jealousy?
Bachata and jealousy. Why is this an amazing question? Because nobody talks about this subject, although jealousy is everywhere. On the dancefloor, outside the dancefloor and even on the social network when we are in the dance community. If you are asking this question dear Giovanni, I assume that yourself you are in a relationship with a girl and you want to embrace the adventure of dancing bachata, right? If I am wrong, just let me know. If I am right, I have some orientations for you and people who share the same interest.
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Sensual Bachata and jealousy in couple
Celebrate your jealousy
The first thing I would say is that you can celebrate yourself and your couple to have the interest, the curiosity to go out of your routine and to explore your love on a new field: the dancing field. So the first thing I would like you to do is celebrate this decision, an important one, and the experience you will have with your girlfriend in dancing will depend only on you and on the attitude you will have after starting dancing with your dear one, and how you connect with the community.
Accept your jealousy
The second orientation I suggest to you is to accept. If you have the fear, this has to be accepted. Why? Because acceptation is the first level of transformation. If you are conscious of this jealousy and the fear it implies, it means that you are already making a fucking good step. The step of being conscious of it, so that you know you have it and you can work on that.
Jealousy in Bachata is a signal of consciousness: a start for better experience with your partner
To be jealous is not good or bad: it depends on what you do after
My third orientation is that we cannot say that it is bad or good to feel jealousy on the dancefloor when we are in couple and we are embracing the adventure of dancing bachata. The only important question is maybe the following: does the jealousy represent the boy/the girl you want to be? This is the question. If the answer is “No”, jealousy is not connected with the person or the man/woman I want to become, then I know that the answer is: “OK, I now need to transform myself. I need to go from a fear to something like control, to have a positive experience with my girl/boyfriend and with the community around us, to improve the experience.” Jealousy is not bad by nature. Jealousy is not good by nature. This is the way you connect with the person with whom you want to be, the person who matters for you. So if you decide to put away the jealousy from the person you want to become, you need to transform yourself. You need to act and to launch a start.
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How to control your ego? 21 days of actions
My fourth orientation: if you have a fear of being jealous, you can explore 21 days of zero jealousy in dance with your partner. Take a piece of paper with 21 days noted on it. Every time you go to dance with your girlfriend: a class, a home-party, a drink during a Latino Party or a dance there, or a congress or whatever in the street, just before going there, take your list and think about this. Tell yourself “I will put a cross in the Day X section if at the end of the evening, when I come back home, I have not expressed any kind of jealousy.” If you do this one, two, ten, twenty-one times, you can reprogram your brain and you are substituting a bad habit by a good habit. Why 21 days? Because after 3 weeks, you will be able to tell your subconscious that you have changed and you can not be jealous at all. Because this is not your consciousness which drives you, it is your subconscious. Just telling it that you will not be jealous anymore on the dancefloor, will not work at all. You have to train your brain by actions and repetitions. And you will see that after 21 days you will no longer be the same man and dancer. This works also for mechanics and all other improvements in dance.
Bachata and Jealousy: my personal experience
I love this question because I was recently in couple for 3 years with a girl, and while she is not a dancer, I am a dancer. Both sides were jealous! I was very jealous because she was wonderful. And she was worried as well because I dance a lot and she knew I had plenty of nice experiences with different girls on the dancefloor. So this is a big topic and I learnt a lot from my mistakes.
Jealousy in bachata dance is a poison
Control your jealousy
I can say that jealousy on the dancefloor when you are in a relationship is something that we cannot control. But if it happens, we just need to accept and to say as soon as possible “Sorry” for the person. Saying “Sorry” puts away the enemy, who in the case of jealousy on the dancefloor is the ego. The ego will amplify your feeling of jealousy. It is the one you have to fight in order to put away your jealousy.
Control your ego
I remember that I was stupid enough, one of the last times with my girl, to tell – not in a nice way – a boy who was inviting her that he was not going to take her. Why is this stupid? Because I know that for my girl I am the only one and that more than loyal, she would not let the boy cross any limits. I knew it, but my fear, my subconscious and my ego did not act as I wanted them to do. I wanted to be a good boy, a good person, a good lover for my girl, but sometimes your emotions are stronger than your brain and you do not behave as you would like to behave.
You are responsible of working on your jealousy in dance
My girl as well had some crazy jealousy. When we had some family dinner with her family, she presented me with “Tonight he will go to an event, perform some porno dance things, he is going to be touching beautiful girls etc.” She said this in front of her parents and grand-parents, of course in a sarcastic way, but in-depth was her jealousy. This was not the direct cause of your break-up, but jealousy is a poison. So first of all we need to accept it, and to ask ourselves whether this is how we want to see ourselves on our death bed. If the response is “No”, we need to transform ourselves. This has to come from you, not from your partner and your friends.
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You are a bachata dancer to give not to require
Jealousy is a poison in dance, it will not bring you anything positive. By the way, it does not only affect life partners, it can affect simple dance partners with whom we have a special friendship/dance relationship and whom we do not want to share with other dancers. So let us be careful, let us put the ego aside, to improve the experience with our girl. For her we are the only one, dance will not change anything. We should not have possessiveness. Unconditional love is the key. It is hard, ambitious, but we can make it. We are here to give, not to require.
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And you what do you think about jealousy and dance? Can you please tell us your experience connecting with the topic of bachata and jealousy?
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