Bachata: Girls dance to enjoy & Boys to get a girl?
What about Men and Women expectations in dancing bachata?Thank you very much for bringing this question, because dancing bachata is about polarity. Dancing is about men and women. Yes of course there is the music, there are the singers, there is the dance, but first of all, this is about gathering women and men. There is a combination between masculinity and femininity in bachata. And this is a very sensitive question. Because we do not say publicly why as a man or a woman, we dance bachata. This is very personal. Now I am going to only introduce this topic, give you some insights into this question but I promise you that some day I will go deeper into it: man and woman.
The girls’ expectations
Some female dancers want to be surrounded by a moment of love
First of all, by experience as a dancer, as a teacher, as a blogger, as a D-jay, as a lecturer, I realize that some of the girls want to be surrounded by love. And dance is a shortcut to get the love they want to get in life. When I say “love” this is the emotion of love, I am not speaking about the charming prince, but about the emotion of being loved. The music, the dance, the male partner can bring this love to the girl. They are not too much into steps and performing, they are looking for emotions.
See the popular post on how to compliment on the dancefloor
Some Girls search for adventure by dancing bachata
Then another category of girls want love of course also, but mostly sensations, adventures. Some women have a husband at home, but their husband does not want to dance. These women seek the sensations and adventures that they do not have at home. Therefore, some girls, single or married, go to dance for a new kind of sensations and adventures. This does not mean that they are not loyal! But dance gives them some freedom and new experiences. So, to respond Yvain’s question, some women dance for sensations and adventures. With a good attitude, with a good soul, with no hidden ideas, not trying to jump on a man, but with this aspiration to the liberty they do not have at home. To be given a dance, invited by a man, taken care of by a man outside the home routine.
Boys: offer what a girl wants in dancing
I want to say something to you guys. Sometimes, after inviting a girl and before starting dancing, I ask her a question. This magical question is “How can I make you happy during this dance?” At first the girl asks herself “OMG, what a f*cking question, first time a man has asked me this”. And after a couple of seconds of confusion, the answer can be “Please let me feel like a woman.” “Put up my femininity, treat me like a gentleman please”. This is powerful, it shows the need of the girl to be cared for. Girls on the dancefloor are not so different from girls outside, they need to be loved, to be taken care of, to be praised, to be surprised, to receive love, to be amazed. I think a woman wants to feel treated as a queen some time. Not constantly, but once in a while, regularly, most girls want to feel treated as if she were the only one. It does not matter whether this girl is your girlfriend or you are meeting her for the first time, she does need sometimes to be the one and only. With respect, with a good attitude, with being a gentleman, even a gentleman-animal.
See the popular post on how to be a good bachata leader
Boys’ expectations in dancing bachata
The men want the challenge
And if the boy is on the dancefloor more in order to impress, the girl seeks more to express. This is what I notice when I watch the people and when I see myself with the girls I dance with.
Now the men. I will not tell you what I want as a boy at dancing, but I will say what I think generally boys are after. First of all, as men we want the challenge. When we embrace the adventure of dancing, we want to prove that we can be good and we can progress, we can develop ourselves and get success… and get applause from the audience (who can be just your girlfriend, the class group, or the whole crowd at the congress). So according to me, men are after challenge. If you read David Deyda’s book “The way of the superior man”, it underlines the masculinity and the femininity, with men seeking the challenge, and women love. If I am a shy guy, my challenge will be to go from shyness to a self-confident dancer. If I am shy towards women, the challenge of my dance journey will be to go from where I am… to Casanova. If I am a non-dancer, dancing like a stone, the challenge of my dance story will be to become an applauded dancer, at least by my friends and my family. To feel that I accomplished something.
A boy who is dancing bachata for chasing girls will not last for long
Then, when I read Yvain’s question, it implies men could be dancing in order to get women, to get chicks. Well, it may be true. I have to honest with you guys and girls. In a period of boys’ dance journey, we want to get girls. Not with bad ideas. It is life to be connected with girls, not specifically on the dancefloor. This can be admitted. We can dance in order to seduce one girl, to seduce many girls, in order to make one girl jealous. It is neither bad nor good, it is part of the game and of life experience.
Feel free to read this popular post on how to make a woman feel good on the dancefloor
What I can say is that if a boy has only the aim of catching girls, dances only for this, he will get rejected. By the women first, and then by the men as well and by the community globally. The boy who is for a long time dancing without interest for the dance itself, will end up demotivated and will leave the scene, if the community does not does not eliminate him itself. Seducing girls by dancing is totally fine, as long as you have a good attitude towards women in the dance community. But I will tell you honestly that the most successful dancers I know are not in the quest of cheesing girls. Actually, if you are a good man and a good dancer, girls get attracted. This is the key. A good boy does not have to be a priest, he can be a gentleman-animal, but a good boy and a good dancer will attract girls like magnets. You cannot have a long and happy dance journey if you have only the motivation of conquering women.
See the popular post on how to connect on the dancefloor with your partner
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